Week 8 – Day 6

Hello 🙂 two days with parents here and I’m exhausted! Been sick for several days in a row now, not a trend I’d like to continue. Tomorrow we enter week 10, double digits and at the end of next week we’re on quarter of the way through!

The meeting with the midwife went super well, and she was really nice and relaxed and explained everything perfectly. I think it helps me a lot that they generally have such a relaxed attitude towards everything. It means that I also keep calm about stuff. One thing that got brought up that neither me or Dave had thought of before is the pre-natal testing that they offer. It’s up to us whether we want them or not, and she said about 50% of couples do chose to get it done.

Basically they take blood samples and analyse for chromosome variations, like Downs syndrome and some more rare things. The thing is…. for our age and medical history the odds are super super low, and if it turns out that the likelihood is high… then what? The midwife said that couples who get the tests done have already decided that they would abort the baby if something was wrong… but I’m not sure that I would? It’s such a morally sensitive issue to me. If you abort because of a likelihood of Downs, is that not the same as saying that people with Downs syndrome has less of a right to life?

If we’re not gonna change our minds about having the baby either way, then what benefit does knowing have? I’m very confused about the whole thing… But got another 10 days to figure it out, before the next meeting, and regular blood tests and the scan!

Will take a first belly pic tomorrow!

Week 8 – Day 4

All quiet for a week, and no pic for Week 8! I’ve been in Paris for 5 days. Originally it was to run the marathon, but in the end just for cheering on Orsi and Alby plus chilling out for a couple of days. They both did incredibly well, and I’m super proud, and it made me so jealous! Will really need to sign up for a marathon again once Justin is here.

We’re almost a full two months gone (on Saturday), and today is the first midwife meeting! I’m not sure whether they’ll do a scan or not, as sometimes it’s just a chat the first time… or so I’m told. But I figured I’ll start doing actual pictures of belly from this Sunday, as we’ll be entering month 3! Fun times.

The nausea is still as usual. Was only sick once in Paris, and once more this morning… it comes and goes, but I think I have it pretty ok in comparison to many other stories I’ve read about. Fingers crossed it doesn’t get worse!

I’m gonna tell close friends and family this week and next, and then bosses and other work people in a couple of weeks I think.

Both families are coming over for Easter which will be super fun, but I’m also expecting it to be quite tiring… We shall see how it goes. At least everyone knows about Justin so so pretending. That was one thing that was so nice this weekend in Paris as well! No pretending 🙂 Actually can’t wait til more people know!

Week 7 – Day 4

I am tired all the time. The last couple of days I’ve struggled to stay awake until 9 pm, and in work I’m getting looks from people because of the constant yawning. I sort of wish I could just tell people so that I have a genuine excuse for not feeling on top all the time. I’m less social and I’m constantly trying to hide the fact that I feel sick. It’s exhausting. I just want to exhale, let my bloated tummy go, and tell people to fuck off.

I’m also getting increasingly uncomfortable in my clothes. Even wearing tights feels like it’s pushing inward too much. But I don’t want to buy pregnancy clothes yet… I think if it gets a bit warmer in the next week I can get away with loose dresses and no tights. That should work as an in between.

With all this tiredness and bloatedness I’ve been up for absolutely nothing. I come home from work, and all plans of easy run/yoga/strength etc. are quickly exchanged for sitting on sofa and falling asleep. Such a bad cycle, as I know that actually doing something will improve my energy.

Good things:

  • Two more days, then Paris 🙂 then family 🙂 which = 10 days of being around people who know!
  • One week until the first midwife meeting! I hope they combine it with the scan, so that I hopefully get a better sense of reality.

Week 7 – Day 2

The thing that I knew and feared would happen has happened. The “I’m about to throw up right now” feeling happened outside of home. I was cycling to work this morning, and just as I approach one of the traffic lights the intense nausea hits. I’d been feeling a bit sicky throughout the morning anyway, but not bad enough to actually throw up. But there it was. I managed to park my bike quickly and run over the the closest canal (I guess that’s a good thing about Amsterdam, at least I don’t feel like I’m messing up the streets!).

Afterward I really wanted to get some mints or gum, and something little to get down my stomach, just cause it seems to sit better then. I went in to the Starbucks nearby but apparently they don’t sell mints (?! since when?!) and instead I end up paying 2 euro for one biscotti :/

Week 7 – Day 1

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The weeks seem to go faster cause I’m less nervous about stuff going wrong. Entering the 8th week now! Don’t really know if there’s much to report..? Justin is now the size of a blueberry, and has started growing little nubs for legs and arms, and apparently my uterus is starting to expand to make room for the guy. This has resulted in me feeling almost constantly bloated and uncomfortable.

I still haven’t put on any weight although I feel like I ate a lot more in the last week. But all my jeans are very tight. Nothing is visible yet, and I hope it stays this way for another month, but I can feel that I take up more space.

I had a weird one yesterday when I woke up and felt 100% fine. No nausea, no sore boobs, nothing. Was super nice to feel normal for a couple of hours, although in the back of my mind there’s the nagging worry that something happened. Unreasonable I know….

I’ve been debating back an forth about the marathon this Sunday. On the one had, I’m still fine with the running bit, albeit a lot slower, and a lot more out of breath… and really do want to continue like everything is normal, and not let this limit my life. On the other hand, it’s gonna be 24 degrees in Paris, and I already overheat massively cause of Justin… AND if anything did happen, I know I would blame myself for it (even if it was totally random and scientifically not my fault). So I won;t be running… 😦 but like Orsi said, I can start training and run a marathon anytime, but I can’t really put pregnancy on hold and resume it later.

Still very much looking forward to spending all those days in Paris with Orsi and Alby though ❤ but will be super jealous of all the nice wine I’m missing out on! (the French drink while preggo don’t they? :p)

Week 6 – Day 6

Today was the worst morning sickness so far. Up until now it’s struck after a swig of tea, but this morning I managed to get most of my breakfast down before it came back up again :/ It’s pretty regular now, every time it’s gone more than a couple of hours without food, I feel sick again.

Uhgr… This seems to be the only thing I’m writing these days… woke up, felt sick… meeehhh. Make time go quicker please.

Week 6 – Day 5 (confessions)

As much as I know that future me will have a different opinion, I’d like to write this down just to remember how it feels now. When me and Dave first started talking about having a family, the important questions to answer were whether we felt we were ready or not, and whether we felt like we were at a point in life where we could sacrifice a little of our freedom for the sake of a child. We eventually reached the conclusion that there was never going to be an “optimum” time to do this, and that the “relinquishing” of certain freedoms would be something that we would adjust to and make the best of either way.

With that said we started being slightly more careless with protection, and then before I could think twice about it I’d missed my period. I know that some people try for years, and some couples really long to have a family and can’t wait to become parents. Some people feel like it’s their calling in life to raise children. Well, let me say with 100% certainty (now that I’m pregnant) that that isn’t me… and it’s really got me quite confused.

On TV and in films, and when you hear people talking about having a baby, everyone is so excited and happy and filled with euphoria, and they describe it as if a missing part of them has been filled. I still feel no epic joy about this, I still haven’t been hit with a sense of euphoria, and to be honest, I don’t feel particularly strongly about this embryo that’s growing inside of me (future me might disagree entirely, but please don’t judge). I wonder if more people feel this way, and if what we’re “told to feel” is this cotton candy dream in the same way that people portray their perfect lives on Instagram?

It’s not that I don’t care at all, I want the child to be healthy, and I’ve obviously adjusted my life in such a way to risk minimum harm to it. But I wonder if that’s because I’m just a little bit selfish and want to make MY life easier, as it’s in my mind still an extension of me.

On top of that, me being me, and not thinking things through in its entirety… whenever we did talk about this family stuff, it never really hit me or occurred to me that I would have to live through the 9 months of pregnancy. I know that sounds really stupid (and obviously I knew that I would have to do it), but I never thought about all the ways in which the 9 month waiting period would impact my life. The question always revolved around whether we could handle a baby – once it was here!

So here I am, pregnant and slightly nauseous, and not quite knowing if how I feel about it is appropriate or not. Or if it’s even ok? Or if it’s going to change…