Week 17 – Day 1

What a blip of a day. I’ve felt so off, deflated, weak and down. It’s so nice and sunny outside and all I’ve done is move from the bed to the sofa and had a couple of cries. It must be a hormonal thing, cause I can’t explain it in any other way…

According to all the info out there this week is supposedly the most common week to start feeling the baby moving around. I’m not sure what to expect at all, and I can’t imagine what it would feel like, but I’m assuming I’ll know when it happens.

Uhrg… I just want this day to end and hope that tomorrow is better :/

Week 15 – Day 0

Midwife meeting yesterday went really well! Got to hear the heartbeat which was unreal! I can safely say that it blows my mind every time I think about the fact that me and Dave made this whole new person AND that it’s currently growing inside of me. For so long I felt quite ambivalent about the whole thing, but now i feel that I really do care about this baby. I want it to be healthy and happy, and I think more and more about what it’ll be like once it’s here.

The heart sounded healthy and at a good pace, and we could hear the strange sound of the fluid in there when the baby moved around. We’re gonna schedule a 20 week scan in about a months time which will be the second and last time (if everything goes well) that we’ll get to see the baby before it’s born. Very exciting!

I’ve said this before but just want to write it again… I’m so so happy about how chilled the midwives here are. I’ve read horror stories about people being told they’re doing things wrong, not gaining enough, or gaining too much weight. Being told to take loads of supplements and do all these crazy things. And there absolutely nothing of that here. She hasn’t weighed me once since I registered, there’s been nothing else than “do you feel ok?”, “are you worried about anything?” and this has really help so much in giving me an extremely casual attitude about all this. With all the recommendations online, it’s really nice to have a trained voice of reason who tells me that it’s actually ok to just go with the flow, and if it feels ok, it’s probably ok. And that women have loads of different rules in different countries and it’s not gonna be the end of the world if you have some parma ham, or a sip of beer or a slightly pink steak.

Still feeling good with the body and all, and this long weekend is being spent pimping the balcony! Cleaned the whole thing + big summer clean of the flat yesterday. Today (in 10 minutes) we’re doing IKEA and garden centre trip, and we’re having people over for BBQ on Sunday. Then I’m hoping that the weather will allow me to spend the next 3 months chilling on the balcony!!

Week 14 – Day 5

Not much to write or update about cause everything is just sort of ticking along. Been a bit emotional with the Manchester attack… like more than usual and I’m guessing it’s due to hormones.

It also dawned on me that maybe the reason I haven’t put on weight is that I’ve been loosing muscle mass :/ I basically have not worked out at all in the last two months. What also hit me with this is that it’ll take F-O-R-E-V-E-R to rebuild the (little) strength I had before. Maybe I should try and do some more active stuff now that I’m feeling better again? A light job, or some basic body weights? But I have no clue how much is appropriate, or how hard I can push it…?

Week 10 – Day 3

I took the plunge yesterday while asos had a 20% discount on maternity clothes and ordered my first batch! Mainly tights (4 pairs) as I’ve got quite a few dresses and skirts that’ll work for a while still, and most of my current tights are “shaping” ones which is making me feel super uncomfortable right now. Then two shirts, sort of smart(ish) oversize ones, and a pair of jeans just to see how the fit works on me. Jeans have always been the nemesis of clothing items to buy. I guess I can always just send them back if they’re shit. I’m also not sure about the option over over vs. under bump waistbands… Gut feeling says over bump, how else will they stay up?? So that’s what I’ve gone with for now.

It’s quite interesting and a happy coincidence that I have a very close friend going through this at the same time, with almost the same timing! She has her scan tomorrow, and me on Friday, so can totally compare notes. We touched on the subject on what to do if one person turns out less fortunate. It’s a really tricky one, and even though I would like to think that I can separate one person’s misfortune from another ones happiness, it must be entirely different to be in a situation when something goes wrong, and your friend is having a great time. I think we agreed that if something was to go wrong (touch wood) as long as we’re respectful and listen to the persons needs, we should be open and honest. Scary to think about, and hopefully something that we’ll never have to deal with!

Week 6 – Day 1

It’s been a good weekend. We’ve entered the start of week 7 yesterday, which means Justin is now the size of a pea! And this week, the chances of miscarriage goes down from around 15% now to 10% at the end of the week w00p w00p Fingers crossed that we make it.

I’ve lost 1 kg of weight since the weekend before, which I think is ok but not ideal, so not something I want to keep doing, as we’re apparently entering a “growth spurt” this week. I think it’s mainly cause I’ve been trying to be healthy with food, plus I’m not drinking any alcohol and still exercising the same as before. Basically I need to up my food intake a bit which is easier said than done since I now feel totally indifferent to most flavours. It’s not that I feel sick eating anything, it’s just that I feel thoroughly unenthusiastic about food. I eat when I’m hungry, but nothing is exciting food or flavour wise. On Saturday Dave suggested pizza and I totally broke down crying in public cause pizza felt like the last thing on earth that I wanted. These hormones are killing me.

The whole running thing has also thrown me off a bit. Although I can still run and it’s not really a problem, what I have noticed is that I need to go really slow. A pace where a could normally hold a steady conversation now makes me completely breathless, and raises my pulse like crazy!

What else… The nausea doesn’t come in attacks anymore, but is there as a constant underlying thing. Not so bad that I need to throw up or can’t do stuff. But it’s a kind of annoying constant mild motion sickness kind of feeling. Aaah, the joys of pregnancy :/

Week 5 – Day 0

5 full weeks.

The thought of miscarriage has been playing on my mind. 20% chance… but constantly decreasing to about 2% by week 12. Still though, 1 in 5. Scary numbers.

I had a killer panic cry this morning, completely out of the blue. I think it scared Dave a bit. Went from manic crying to laughing to manic crying again. Strange one these hormones.

Week 4 – Day 6

Had a fight with Dave about drinking, or about him drinking whiskey at home. Or… I don’t know… He was out on Wednesday with the football guys (which is fine), and on Friday he was out with Fenna (which is also fine). And both evenings I was in bed when he got back, and I guess I felt like I didn’t want this to become a thing… Or rather it’s that I feel like I’m missing out cause I’m so sleepy all the time, and I haven’t figured out how to go out and have fun and socialise and not drink (pathetic, bordering on alcoholic right?) without revealing that I’m preggo.

I know I totally overreacted, but is it too much to expect some solidarity when we’re just home together , the two of us? On the other hand he’s been over the top amazing this week.

Poop